What does Carmel mean to me?: Our Lady secretly watched over me

The earliest memory I have is being in the arms of my father after an incident in which I almost died. I was just learning to walk, and nobody noticed me as I found a large double-pointed u-shaped nail which was used to lock one of the windows. I swallowed the nail and it was stuck in my throat. Within moments I turned blue and was running out of breath. Everybody panicked! With much courage my father cleared the table, laid me there and took the nail from my throat using his fingers. Blood was coming out of my mouth, nose and ears.

All my life I wondered why God did not take me then, when, as a little child the surety of heaven already belonged to me. This is selfishness, I know, to think only of my own soul, for God created me not just to save my own but to bring as many souls as I could into the Father’s eternal bosom.
My parents were Catholic but they did not practice the faith. As a little girl, I understood that it was important to go to Mass. However, there was nothing I could do but to cry secretly in front of the Blessed Virgin’s picture. She became my companion especially when I was hurt.

It was not until college when I first heard about cloistered life. My friend told me that the nuns did not leave the monastery except for doctor’s appointments. “What a mysterious life!” I thought to myself. “Why would anyone want to be in prison like that?”

After college, my sisters and I joined the parish choir. We were surrounded by devout families who inspired me to deepen my Faith.

Instead of watching TV, I read sacred Scriptures and prayed the rosary in the solitude of my room. Serious discernment to religious life followed. The desire of belonging entirely to God attracted me and gradually my vocation to Carmel began to unfold.

One day, I saw a poor little bird trapped inside of a greenhouse. I tried to help it, but the poor bird was scared and kept flapping its wings to go through the glass. Finally, it no longer had the strength to move, and let itself be captured.

It is only when we allow ourselves to be captured by the Divine Hands that we can truly be free to sing the most beautiful hymns to win hearts for Jesus. This is the vocation of a cloistered Carmelite. She allows herself to be captured. To human eyes she is a prisoner. But she is more free than anyone else…freely loving the Lord and above all letting herself be loved by Him. As she silently journeys towards heaven, she lovingly embraces the world and pleads to God for mercy. Her life is like that of the Blessed Virgin… hidden, simple and poor. She possesses Him who is the Eternal All.

By Our Lady’s gentle guidance, I have been a nun at the Carmel of the Holy Cross, Iron Mountain, since 2005 striving to be a faithful daughter of the Blessed Virgin.

… And whatever happened to the little bird? When it let itself be captured, its heart was beating so violently out of fear. I held it in my hands until it calmed down. I kissed its little forehead and set it free. It again found some strength to fly away to rest on a tree. There, on top of the highest branch it sang the sweetest hymn of thanksgiving.

Sister Marites of Stella Maris, OCD is a member of The Discalced Carmelite Nuns of the Monastery of the Holy Cross in Iron Mountain. To learn more about a potential vocation with the Carmelite Nuns, visit their website at www.holycrosscarmel.com. You may also call (906) 774-0561 or write Monastery of the Holy Cross, P.O. Box 397, Iron Mountain, MI 49801.

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