What does Carmel mean to me?: Instrument of Merciful Love

Every day I thank God for the gift of my vocation; for drawing me away from what I thought would make me happy, and bringing me to Carmel, where joy never fades because it is rooted in God who is our whole life! What a wonder! He put the trombone into my hands that it might become His instrument in directing my path! He used it to place me among friends who helped me see that He should be the center of my life, and then to bring me to Ann Arbor, where daily Mass became “the one thing necessary,” where He led me into solitude and spoke to my heart. He used the trombone, with my vain ambitions, as an awesome instrument of His Merciful Love when I saw the emptiness of “success” and found myself saying, “I don’t need that anymore!” This is a good test to see where our heart is: try to say of what you treasure, “I don’t need that, Jesus, I need You!”

Now Jesus and I can laugh together at how ignorant I was about religious life and by what means He taught me. First, by “The Sound of Music” and “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria,” which some still argue is my “theme song.” At 17, St. Therese’s “Story of a Soul” became my favorite book – but “those kinds of nuns” don’t exist anymore, right? Once in college, my face turned bright red when at a vocation meeting they played a strange song, “Jesus Called Me On My Cell Phone,” and my new phone kept ringing … to the tune of “When the Saints Go Marchin’ In!” I joined many church groups, taught Catechism ... that wasn’t enough. I prayed while walking the solitary sidewalks, while working as a lifeguard, while I should have been studying. I fell in love with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I realized how in love He was with me!

Praying the Rosary drew me closer to Mary. How tenderly she consoled and helped me! I joined my heartaches to hers at the foot of the Cross, giving all to her. How eagerly and joyfully she receives everything we entrust to her hands! She transforms everything by the power of God’s grace! Oh, Mary is the most perfect instrument of His Merciful Love!

Finally, I came upon a website which explained the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. Now I understood “what makes a nun a nun.” What a solid foundation religious life has. At age 20 I took serious steps in discernment, quitting college and visiting various communities. The holy tears having dried up, it was with determined faith that I came to Carmel. Jesus died out of total love for me; I wanted to respond with a total love for Him – sacrificial love! “Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit” (Jn.12:24). Happily hidden in the heart of the Church, as a grain in the ground, I trust in Jesus and Mary to make my life bear much fruit. Thank you, Lord, for making me a little instrument of Your Merciful Love.

If God is whispering a call in your heart, listen. Jesus says, “He who can accept it, let him accept it” (Mt.19:12). Don’t wait for an angel to announce your vocation: “Seek first the kingdom of God” (Mt.6:33). From the gratitude I feel for my vocation, I encourage everyone: Earnestly seek out how you can best respond to God’s love.

Sister Maria Teresita of the Infant Jesus, OCD is a member of The Discalced Carmelite Nuns of the Monastery of the Holy Cross in Iron Mountain. To learn more about a potential vocation with the Carmelite Nuns, visit their website at www.holycrosscarmel.com. You may also call (906) 774-0561 or write Monastery of the Holy Cross, P.O. Box 397, Iron Mountain, MI 49801.

To read this story and others in The U.P. Catholic, visit https://www.upcatholic.org/